Cowboy Up

As I kid I always enjoyed watching Westerns and all things cowboy on TV. Moving over to Utah, I now get the chance, during the summer months, to actually attend live rodeos. It always amazes me the skills demonstrated and reminds me of those childhood days when I would take some rope and try to lasso things. The favorite part of any rodeo though, has to be the bull riding. Truth be told I'd actually love to give it a try myself one day. Chances are though, I would end up breaking a few bones, if not something worse. In fact bull riding accounts for 50% of all rodeo injuries.

Something I only just recently learnt is that the bull as well as the rider is scored. If a bull gives a rider a harder time then the rider is awarded more points. So the roughest, meanest bulls score more points and are used in more rodeos and are ridden by the best riders. 

As the cowboy mounts the bull in the stall you can feel the tension building in the audience. The bull grunts and stamps beneath the cowboy, the rider adjust himself and tightens his grip. Then he gives a nod to those operating the gate. The gate flings open and the bull charges out of the stall jumping, kicking and writhing in an attempt to dislodge the burden on his back. The crowd roar and cheer and the cowboy hangs on for all he's worth. The amazing thing is that the cowboy only has to last 8 seconds. Once that buzzer goes, the rider gets himself off as quickly as he can to the cheers of the crowd. 

If the bull however gets the upper hand he throws the rider from his back, often then turning to attack and stomp on him. When this happens the audience, as one, gasps and becomes silent, not knowing if the cowboy is okay or not. The rodeo clowns move in to distract the bull and draw him away from the fallen rider. The audience waits with baited breath while helpers go to check on rider's condition. The seconds and minutes seem like forever. Then the rider stirs, slowly gets up, and the commentator, in excited tones, announces "Cowboy Up!" The crowd roars, cheers and claps as the brave cowboy makes his way out of the arena.

This phrase "Cowboy Up" is an intriguing one. It seems to be part of the cowboy creed that no matter how badly you are hurt, if you can, you get up and walk, or even hobble out of the arena. Only in the severest cases is a cowboy stretchered from the arena.  In general terms cowboy up means to tough-up, get back on your horse, don't back down, don't give up, and do the best you can with the hand you're dealt.

Life sometimes is like the bull ride. While we do not voluntarily put ourselves in challenging situations, nonetheless we often find ourselves on the meanest, roughest figurative bulls. We do all we can to hang on and face the challenge. Sometimes we are successful, but at other times we fail to last the 8 seconds. We are thrown with great force and sometimes even trampled upon. Many, when this happens, are tempted to just lie there licking their wounds and looking for others to feel sorry for them. But it takes a brave soul, to pick themselves up, dust themselves off, and carry on.

Some challenges will leave you bruised, battered and limping. But as the old saying goes, "The only real failure, is failing to get up." Success in life is not measured in the absence of challenges but in how we meet and face those challenges. It is not about whether we defeat the challenges but in our ability to keep moving forward.

So the next time life throws you to the ground and gives you a beating, rise to your feet, dust yourself off and walk out with your head raised high, declaring "Cowboy Up!"

Three Rules of Life

In my last article I spoke about the movie, Peaceful Warrior. Another lesson I gleaned from the movie was three rules of life. In the movie the mentor, Socrates, talks about three rules of life being paradox, humor and change.

Paradox

The first rule is that life is a paradox. Life is a mystery and it is a waste of time trying to figure it out. We all have a tendency to want answers, to understand why things are the way they are. But sometimes there are no answers to be had and trying to find an answer is a waste of valuable time and energy.

When my late wife passed away, a question many people expressed was "Why would she be taken?" Maria was just 36 when she was diagnosed with stomach cancer. She had just given birth to our fourth child a week earlier. Our oldest was only seven at the time. Maria was a beautiful, talented woman and a wonderful mother but just a year and a half later, after having suffered terrible, she was taken from mortality. And thus the cry went up among many, why her, why now? When her children needed her so much, when she had spent so much of her life in service to others, why would God take her away?

Of course there is no answer to be had at this time to such questions. When Maria passed away I found myself comforting others that had been wrestling with these very questions. I remember telling then that I did not know why, but I knew God did, and I had trust in God and that was sufficient for me.

Many other events have occurred in my life where there have been no answers to what has and is happening. I have learnt that such answers generally are not to be had in this life, or at least in the present. Instead of spending time and energy and heartache trying to resolve them, I have learnt to have faith that God directs my path, to accept what comes and to make the most of it. Indeed my motto came to be "It's life, deal with it."


Humor


Socrates shares that we need to keep a sense of humor, especially about ourselves and that doing so will be a strength beyond measure.


A favorite verse in the book of Proverbs reads:

A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones. (Prov 17:22)

Being able to laugh about life, even in the darkest of times, lifts the soul and lightens the heart. When difficulties beset us we have two choices: we can either let it get us down, or we can face it cheerfully. The choice is ours to make. So often in life I have face enormous challenges that often seemed insurmountable; situations which at the time seemed impossible to solve. People, on hearing my story, are often amazed about how I have gotten through these multiple challenges. At times it has been difficult. But I have learnt to laugh and find the humor in whatever situation I find myself in, and always keep a smile on my face. That, more than anything else, has got me through the hard times.


Change


The third rule is that nothing stays the same. No matter how well we plan things, there is no guarantee it will work out as we thought it would. When you set your goals in life, do not let yourself be tied to a certain outcome or even a certain time frame. The Scottish poet Robert Burns once wrote a poem entitled "To a Mouse" on turning up her nest while plowing one day. The poem contains the famous line:

The best-laid schemes o' Mice an' Men
Gang aft a-gley

The line expresses the sentiment that even the best of plans can go wrong. When we set all our hopes and expectations on a certain outcome, and that outcome fails to materialize, then we face heartache, disillusionment, and despair. Instead be open to the possibilities and learn to adapt as you go. Just like the might tree needs to learn to bend in the strong wind to avoid breaking, so we need to learn to bend and adjust with the changes life brings or we too will break. Instead of wasting valuable energy trying to get where you thought you should be, follow your heart and the inspiration you feel and let it take you where it will.


These three simply rules have helped me see more clearly as I have navigated life and I hope they will help you too.

There Are No Ordinary Moments

One of my favorite movies is the 'Peaceful Warrior.' It is a movie based on the book 'Way of the Peaceful Warrior,' recounting the story of an athlete, Dan Millman, who suffers a tragic accident that everyone tells him will prevent him competing again. He meets an unlikely mentor, Socrates, who leads him through a spiritual rebirth and eventually back to performing strength.


The mentor, played by Nick Nolte, shares some wonderful insights with the young athlete and there are many life lessons to be learnt from the movie for us individually. It is a movie worth watching several times over because you will not appreciate all the lessons it contains on the one viewing only.

During the movie, Socrates builds up an expectation in the young man about a special place he will take him to, when the lad is ready, where he will see a remarkable thing. Dan wants to head out there and then but much to his annoyance Socrates keeps telling him he is not ready yet. As Dan's attitude changes, the day arrives that Socrates tells him he is finally ready and that in the morning they would set off to see this special thing.


The morning comes and the two set off with Dan full of excitement. They spend the morning enjoying each others' company as they climb a hill together. Finally in the afternoon they reach the summit and Dan looks around expectantly for the special thing he will see. Not seeing anything remarkable, he quizzes Socrates as to what is so special. Socrates looks down on the ground and points to a random, small stone by Dan's foot and declares this to be the special thing.


Dan becomes upset and angry that they have spent the whole day climbing the hill just to look at a stupid stone. As Dan fumes in his anger, suddenly the pebble drops, so to speak, and he realizes what Socrates has been trying to teach him. With the sudden light of awareness he declares "The journey is what brings us happiness not the destination." 


Sometimes in our own lives we get so caught up in where we want to get to, that we forget to enjoy the journey we are on and make the most of where we are at. 

A sad reminder of this came to me a few months after my wife passed away. We lived in a small three bedroom apartment in the North East of London. I had bought the apartment a couple of years prior to getting married. Maria had never really liked the apartment and especially did not like the area. She very much wanted to move and always looked forward to the time we would. As a result, she was disinclined to do much to improve the apartment. For instance she had a talent for making high quality curtains that she made for others, but would never make them for our place, because to her that somehow equated in giving up on the hope of moving. Unfortunately due to several factors we were unable to move and were still living there when she passed away.


Ironically a few months later the factors preventing the move changed and I prepared to move with the children to the USA. In packing up the apartment, I came across several fine sets of towels that had been given to us as wedding presents eleven years earlier. Maria had not wanted to use the towels and had put them away against the time we would eventually be in a home more suited to her liking. As such she never did get to use the towels.


When I came across the towels, that I had previously forgotten all about, and realized what had happened, I wept knowing not only that Maria had never achieved her goal of a new home but more especially that she had spent much of the last eleven years unable to enjoy and appreciate what we did have. She had set her sights so much on the destination, one that she was never able to reach, that she had been unable to make the most of the present.


Life is very much a journey for each of us. Many of us have an idea of where we hope the destination will be. But none of us can ever guarantee getting to that particular destination, and the one we might hope for, may not turn out to be the one we end up at. But what we all do have is the journey that we are on and the moment that we are in. And it is the journey that we need to make the most of and learn to enjoy.

Learning to find happiness in the journey as opposed to the destination does not mean we have to give up the goal of our destination. Each of us needs goals in our life, things to work towards. But it does mean we need to recognize that what matters most is the moment that we are now in. And as the movie teaches us, "There are no ordinary moments."


Each moment of our lives can be extraordinary, if we allow it to be. But all too often we shut out the things to be gained here and now. Just like on a long road trip when we are anxious for it to be over, we wish away the present, hoping only to quickly arrive where we plan to be. But just like on the road trip where, if only we open our eyes and look, there are new sights and experiences to be seen all along the way, so it is with life.

Remember to find happiness in your journey, and to look for what can be gained from each and every wonderful moment along the way.

Good Is The Enemy Of Great

A couple of days ago, a friend made a comment that one of the things that stops us from being all we can be is "being fine." This reminded me of one of the books on our reading list at business school called 'Good to Great' by Jim Collins. Collins had previously written a book, Built to Last: , that was a successful seller. One day having dinner with a group of business leaders one remarked that he loved his previous book, but that it was useless. Asked to explain, the individual commented that the companies talked about where ones that had always been great companies. He wanted to know what the majority of companies should do that are good, but not great.

The comment led the author to research and write the follow up book, Good to Great. The opening chapter of the book is entitled "Good is the Enemy of Great." The fact was that most great companies had always been great. It raised the question 'Can a good company become a great company and, if so how? Or is the disease of ''just being good" incurable?' Thankfully, he found it was not incurable and the book goes on to outline how a number of good companies did become great.

This idea of 'good is the enemy of great' seems to pop up not just in the corporate world but in our personal lives too. When there is something wrong in our lives, we generally take note and do something to improve it. However, when something in our life is just "ok," often we simply accept it, and make no effort to improve. We may not have a great job, but it is ok, and so we do not seek something better. We may not have great health, but it is ok, and so the incentive may not be there to improve it to what it could be. Our relationships may not be great, but generally they are ok, and so we get by. In effect being simply ok or good stops us from really shining and becoming what we truly have the potential to be. It makes us complacent.

How often has someone in greeting you asked "How are you?" and you have replied "Ok," or "I'm good" but not really meant it? A number of years ago I bumped into an acquaintance and asked him how he was. His reply is one I have never forgotten and often thinking about. His response was an enthusiastic "I'm wonderful, how else is there to be?" Each of us has the potential to be truly wonderful. Indeed why should we be anything but wonderful?

A quote I have come across a number of times recently seems apt here. It is from the book A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate; our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Each of us needs to believe that we can indeed be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous. Becoming so though generally does not happen overnight. But just because it does not happen by a certain date, do not lose faith that it can indeed happen.

Collins in his book talks about confronting the brutal facts. He shares what he calls 'The Stockdale Paradox.' Collins had the opportunity to meet with Admiral Jim Stockdale who had been taken prisoner during the Vietnam War. He was repeatedly tortured, had no rights, no release date, and was unknowing as to whether he would survive to see his family again. Collins asked him how he had dealt with it. Stockdale answered that he never doubted he would eventually get out. Collins also asked about who did not get out and was taken aback when Stockdale replied "The optimists." The optimists were those that said "We're going to be out by Christmas." And when that did not happen that "We're going to be out by Easter." Eventually they gave up and died of a broken heart. Stockdale explained an important lesson, "You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end - which you can never afford to lose - with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be."

Each of us needs to confront the reality of our current situation. We need to be truthful about where we really are. What in our life is not perfect? What is just mediocre? What are we settling for? But the other reality is that what we hope to achieve may not happen by a certain date, or even in a certain way. There will be disappointments, there will be setbacks. But what will make the difference in you becoming what you can be is not the absence of difficulty, but how you deal with those difficulties.

Each of us has the potential to be great. Have faith in that fact, do not get discouraged when the going gets tough, and above all do not allow yourself to become complacent. Good is indeed the enemy of Great. Let us stop being just good and rise to the greatness we all have the potential to become.

Previous Experience Irrelevant

When I was younger I struggled knowing what to do with my life. After school, I had gone to Canada for a while and when I returned, made a rushed and poorly considered decision on a college course. Unfortunately, I chose badly and ended up dropping out at the end of the first year. The following few years saw me going through umpteen temporary positions, most lasting for just a few months, interspersed with periods of unemployment. 

The numerous positions I filled included a wide variety of activities, from glass-fiber molding to gardening, from billing account auditing to community education provision. It brought me a wealth of insights to a diverse range of functions and the opportunity to meet a wide diversity of people. It was a time of rich experience in my life and one of great learning.

The downside though, was that it brought me no nearer to knowing what I wanted to do. It also began to prove a problem when filling out job applications and resumes. There was never enough room to enter all my positions and it took an agonizingly long time to complete them while recruiters sat waiting to interview me.

Eventually I ended up becoming one of her Majesty's civil servants and worked in the HM Inland Revenue department where I found an aptitude for the work. After a couple of years working there, I decided to change sides and work in the private sector as a tax consultant. In doing so, I went along to one of the top agencies to find a suitable position. As part of the agency's services they constructed a resume for me to send to prospective employers. I was curious to see how they would handle my varied past, and was somewhat amused when I first saw the resume.

Along with my personal details, the agency had outlined my responsibilities at the Inland Revenue. Then on the bottom of the page was a short, simple sentence: "Previous experience irrelevant." In three words they had adeptly dealt with a problem that had been followed me for so long. The career "baggage," that I had for years carried around with me and so painstakingly regurgitated at each job application, was simply wrapped up and disposed of, no longer to be a concern. 

Since then, I have often thought about that phrase, "Previous experience irrelevant." It certainly has helped me in recent times crafting resumes and ensuring I only include relevant information. Irrelevant did not mean that the previous experience was of no use, or that I had not learned from it. Simply, it meant that it was not needed to define who I was or what I could offer now.


This phrase has a much wider application than just in job hunting. Often we seem to approach situations in other areas of our life in the same way. For instance we might begin new relationships by bringing out all the "baggage" of past relationships, thinking somehow we have to outline those past relationships to begin a new one. When really what we should be doing is simply stating to ourselves "Previous experience irrelevant." Again that does not mean there are not things to be learnt from our past experiences, that they were meaningless or of no importance. But it does mean that those past experiences do not have to define who we are now, or what shape the future might take.


My challenge to you is to examine how much of your past experiences you are allowing to define what the future holds. I recently saw a quote from Louise Smith, affectionately known as the 'first lady of racing,' that stated:

"You can't reach for anything new if your hands are still full of yesterday's junk."

Take the time to unload all of 'yesterday's junk' that you may be holding on to. And as you look to define what your future may hold, remember that simple phrase, "Previous experience irrelevant."

Seize The Day

One of the enjoyments I have in life is the love of poetry. I especially like it when I come across a new poem that has specific meaning for me at the time. With the beginning of a new year, the following poem I stumbled upon this morning struck a chord.

The Lesson Of The Water Mill

Listen to the water mill:
Through the livelong day
How the clanking of the wheel
Wears the hours away;

. . . . . . . . . .

And a proverb haunts my mind
As a spell is cast:
"The mill will never grind
With the water that has passed."
Take the lesson to thyself,
Loving heart and true;
Golden years are fleeting by,
Youth is passing, too;
Learn to make the most of life;
Lose no happy day;
Time will never bring thee back
Chances swept away.
Leave no tender word unsaid;
Love while life shall last;
"The mill will never grind
With the water that has passed."

. . . . . . . . . .

Take the proverb to thine heart,
Take! Oh, hold it fast:
"The mill will never grind
With the water that has passed!"

~ Sarah Doudney

Often the past is a wonderful treasure. There are fond memories. There are accomplishments we have achieved. Places we have visited. Friends we have made. Having these treasured memories and past events is great, but sometimes we forget that these are the past and not the present. Instead of trying to create new occasions, all too often we tend to just regurgitate our old ones. We fail to realize the sentiment voiced above, that the mill will never grind with the water that has passed. We futilely try to cling to the life that has already passed us by. In effect we stop living, and become a relic of our pasts.

The situation becomes even more stark when we think about past negative events. Frequently we seem to nurture these, almost afraid to let them go, as though in doing so, we would lose part of ourselves. The more we hold on to them the more they define who we are. We become the hoarders that we have all seen in TV shows from time to time, that cannot bear to throw anything away until their homes become so clutter with garbage that they are no longer hygienic nor habitable. 

One of my favorite quotes comes from Sara Teasdale who stated:  

"I make the most of all that comes and the least of all that goes." 

I hope that we can all learn to let go of the past. Get out there and create new memories instead of living among our past ones. But more especially learn to let go of the past hurts, the past relationships that are over, the past disappointments, the past failures. Do not let these define who you are. And especially do not let today, and the opportunities it affords to live, pass you by.


In the words of the character John Keating from the movie Dead Poets Society:

"Carpe, carpe diem, seize the day..., make you lives extraordinary."

I hope that this coming year will be one where you leave the past in the past and move forward to make you life extraordinary.