Laughing at your challenges

The other day I met an acquaintance in the supermarket and we got to discussing my latest challenge, the fact the I have to move out the home we are renting and I have been unable to find anywhere to move to. The conversation spread to other hard challenges I have had to face over the few years he has known me. Then he made a comment that made me smile. He told me I had the perfect personality to deal with them all - I just laugh at them.

Of course his comment and view overlooks the aspects he never sees. The heartaches, the shed tears, the stress I often feel. But there was some truth to his words that I laugh at challenges and it got me thinking as to why that is. Is it really just personality? Or is it something more?

Whether it was the death of my wife, the crazy move to the USA, the financial difficulties, a failed marriage, visa difficulties, losing my job or any one of a number of other major challenge thrown at me over recent years, I always have seemed to be able to pick myself up with a smile and solider on. My motto became "It's life, deal with it."

I will not belie, there are times when it feels too much, when I seem to be carrying the woes of the world on my shoulders. There have even been times I have broken down and cried like a baby. But one thing I have realized when these moments occur is that it is more about self-pity than anything else. At the end of the day how I feel is within my own power. Feeling sorry for myself will not help improve things, indeed it often results in not facing up to the reality. And that is another lesson I have learnt over the years - trying to avoid a situation and hope it goes away never works. Once I decide to face the problems head on, whatever they may be, it is surprising how easy many of them are to deal with. Our fear is often the biggest obstacle to solving a difficult situation.

Another aspect that has always helped me get through the challenges is a sense of humor. Perhaps that is part of my personality, perhaps it is part of my British upbringing, but I have always been able to see a funny side. I remember in the later stages of my wife's cancer treatment going to see one of the Lord of the Rings movies. My wife was a third of her previous weight, little more then skin and bones, she had lost her hair, and her eyes seemed to bulge. As we sat there, the creature Gollum came onto the screen and I could not help noticing the resemblance to my wife. We sat there in the theater and had a great laugh together. Later she would refer to our children as her "precious," in Gollum's tone of voice, as she would chase them around the house. Another time after I had graduated from my MBA program, I was penniless, had no work visa, and had no idea how I would survive. I used to tell people "I'm destitute and close to being homeless, but hey I have an MBA."

So personality? Perhaps, but just remember life is full of challenges, it is no use complaining about them, and trying to run away from them just leaves you further from the solution. So face up to them, accept them for what they are, stop feeling sorry for yourself, which is a total waste of time and energy, and look for the positive in life. It does not matter how dark it gets, there is always something positive you have.

And above all, stop taking life so seriously. Cry a little, but laugh a lot.

Three Rules of Life

In my last article I spoke about the movie, Peaceful Warrior. Another lesson I gleaned from the movie was three rules of life. In the movie the mentor, Socrates, talks about three rules of life being paradox, humor and change.

Paradox

The first rule is that life is a paradox. Life is a mystery and it is a waste of time trying to figure it out. We all have a tendency to want answers, to understand why things are the way they are. But sometimes there are no answers to be had and trying to find an answer is a waste of valuable time and energy.

When my late wife passed away, a question many people expressed was "Why would she be taken?" Maria was just 36 when she was diagnosed with stomach cancer. She had just given birth to our fourth child a week earlier. Our oldest was only seven at the time. Maria was a beautiful, talented woman and a wonderful mother but just a year and a half later, after having suffered terrible, she was taken from mortality. And thus the cry went up among many, why her, why now? When her children needed her so much, when she had spent so much of her life in service to others, why would God take her away?

Of course there is no answer to be had at this time to such questions. When Maria passed away I found myself comforting others that had been wrestling with these very questions. I remember telling then that I did not know why, but I knew God did, and I had trust in God and that was sufficient for me.

Many other events have occurred in my life where there have been no answers to what has and is happening. I have learnt that such answers generally are not to be had in this life, or at least in the present. Instead of spending time and energy and heartache trying to resolve them, I have learnt to have faith that God directs my path, to accept what comes and to make the most of it. Indeed my motto came to be "It's life, deal with it."


Humor


Socrates shares that we need to keep a sense of humor, especially about ourselves and that doing so will be a strength beyond measure.


A favorite verse in the book of Proverbs reads:

A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones. (Prov 17:22)

Being able to laugh about life, even in the darkest of times, lifts the soul and lightens the heart. When difficulties beset us we have two choices: we can either let it get us down, or we can face it cheerfully. The choice is ours to make. So often in life I have face enormous challenges that often seemed insurmountable; situations which at the time seemed impossible to solve. People, on hearing my story, are often amazed about how I have gotten through these multiple challenges. At times it has been difficult. But I have learnt to laugh and find the humor in whatever situation I find myself in, and always keep a smile on my face. That, more than anything else, has got me through the hard times.


Change


The third rule is that nothing stays the same. No matter how well we plan things, there is no guarantee it will work out as we thought it would. When you set your goals in life, do not let yourself be tied to a certain outcome or even a certain time frame. The Scottish poet Robert Burns once wrote a poem entitled "To a Mouse" on turning up her nest while plowing one day. The poem contains the famous line:

The best-laid schemes o' Mice an' Men
Gang aft a-gley

The line expresses the sentiment that even the best of plans can go wrong. When we set all our hopes and expectations on a certain outcome, and that outcome fails to materialize, then we face heartache, disillusionment, and despair. Instead be open to the possibilities and learn to adapt as you go. Just like the might tree needs to learn to bend in the strong wind to avoid breaking, so we need to learn to bend and adjust with the changes life brings or we too will break. Instead of wasting valuable energy trying to get where you thought you should be, follow your heart and the inspiration you feel and let it take you where it will.


These three simply rules have helped me see more clearly as I have navigated life and I hope they will help you too.