Laughing at your challenges

The other day I met an acquaintance in the supermarket and we got to discussing my latest challenge, the fact the I have to move out the home we are renting and I have been unable to find anywhere to move to. The conversation spread to other hard challenges I have had to face over the few years he has known me. Then he made a comment that made me smile. He told me I had the perfect personality to deal with them all - I just laugh at them.

Of course his comment and view overlooks the aspects he never sees. The heartaches, the shed tears, the stress I often feel. But there was some truth to his words that I laugh at challenges and it got me thinking as to why that is. Is it really just personality? Or is it something more?

Whether it was the death of my wife, the crazy move to the USA, the financial difficulties, a failed marriage, visa difficulties, losing my job or any one of a number of other major challenge thrown at me over recent years, I always have seemed to be able to pick myself up with a smile and solider on. My motto became "It's life, deal with it."

I will not belie, there are times when it feels too much, when I seem to be carrying the woes of the world on my shoulders. There have even been times I have broken down and cried like a baby. But one thing I have realized when these moments occur is that it is more about self-pity than anything else. At the end of the day how I feel is within my own power. Feeling sorry for myself will not help improve things, indeed it often results in not facing up to the reality. And that is another lesson I have learnt over the years - trying to avoid a situation and hope it goes away never works. Once I decide to face the problems head on, whatever they may be, it is surprising how easy many of them are to deal with. Our fear is often the biggest obstacle to solving a difficult situation.

Another aspect that has always helped me get through the challenges is a sense of humor. Perhaps that is part of my personality, perhaps it is part of my British upbringing, but I have always been able to see a funny side. I remember in the later stages of my wife's cancer treatment going to see one of the Lord of the Rings movies. My wife was a third of her previous weight, little more then skin and bones, she had lost her hair, and her eyes seemed to bulge. As we sat there, the creature Gollum came onto the screen and I could not help noticing the resemblance to my wife. We sat there in the theater and had a great laugh together. Later she would refer to our children as her "precious," in Gollum's tone of voice, as she would chase them around the house. Another time after I had graduated from my MBA program, I was penniless, had no work visa, and had no idea how I would survive. I used to tell people "I'm destitute and close to being homeless, but hey I have an MBA."

So personality? Perhaps, but just remember life is full of challenges, it is no use complaining about them, and trying to run away from them just leaves you further from the solution. So face up to them, accept them for what they are, stop feeling sorry for yourself, which is a total waste of time and energy, and look for the positive in life. It does not matter how dark it gets, there is always something positive you have.

And above all, stop taking life so seriously. Cry a little, but laugh a lot.

The Rose Bowl of Life

When I was about 14, we had a metalworking class at school. Most of the boys, it was an all boys school, did one of a number of set projects. However being the awkward kid I was, none of the set projects appealed to me. In discussing other options with the metalwork teacher, it was agreed I would work on making a copper rose bowl, something no other boy had ever done in his class.

The process of making the rose bowl was not complex but it did take a lot of time to do and a reasonable amount of skill. I started with a flat sheet of copper. This was initially cut into a circle. The metal was then heated in the furnace until it was red hot. Placing the heated metal over a round anvil, I then took a small hammer and began to beat it. For the longest time, there was little shape or form to it. The other boys looked on occasionally with curiosity, not knowing what I was doing or having any idea how the finished product would look.

As the metal was drawn up, folds would begin to appear and each of these had to be slowly beaten out. As the metal cooled, it would be dipped in cold water and then the processes of heating and beating would begin all over again. Literally dozens of heatings and thousands of hammer beats went into the making of that bowl. Slowly over the hours of work that went into its creation, the bowl began to take shape. Each hammer beat seemed random to those that would stop to watch, but each was made with a purpose and with an end in sight. Sometimes the metal would easily comply and the hammer knocks were light. Other times it did not seem to go where I needed it to and extra force and extra pounding was made on the copper to make it comply with where I deemed it should go.

Finally when the desired shape was achieved, the edge was trimmed and straightened and the surface polished. When all was done I was extremely pleased with the piece and even my teacher, who had largely left me to myself, was very impressed. So much so, that for the rest of the year he tried persuading me to think about become a silversmith. The finished product was proudly presented to my mother who had it for many years until it eventually came back to me and is now among my most prized possessions.

If you pick the bowl up and examine it, you will see that its surface is covered in hundreds of tiny indentations, testament to the many hammer beatings that it took to work it into shape. But those minor imperfections to a smooth surface only add to its beauty.

As I have thought about that bowl over the years, and the process that went into its making, I have occasionally contemplated how much my life has been similar in the making. I came into this world, very much as raw material with little idea of what I would eventually become. As I have gone through life I have had to continually face trials, which at times seemed unbearable. I have been knocked this way and that way at every turn. Then just as things seemed to be sorting themselves out, the whole process begins over again.

Sometimes I think I am beginning to see the shape my life is taking, then at other times things seem to turn direction and I am not sure any more what the end product might be. But I do feel my life is being fashioned and shaped, bit by bit. I look forward to seeing the masterpiece it will eventually become.

Each of our lives is a work in progress. We may not know what the end result is meant to be. Sometimes the difficulties we face may seem to have no reason; we may feel we cannot take any more. We may feel embarrassed at what we might see as our flaws, or when things seem to have taken the wrong turn. But somewhere in the universe are the hands of a master, slowly working our lives into the beautiful shape he envisions for us.

So the next time you feel you are being knocked around in life, when adversity mounts, remember that each beautiful object has to be slowly worked into shape. Take comfort that you are in the Master's hands and that he desired something beautiful of you.